| This hate is so unhealthy |
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| 11:38pm 26/11/2008 |
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mood:  confused
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I thought that over time Ide get over these feelings of dislike but I haven't..they are just as strong as the day I laied eyes on her. I just cant stop hating her. Evey time I think about her I get so angry...I want to just smash her face. The funny thing is shes not the only person that hurt me in that situation but Ive long since forgiven the other person. Its like Im waiting for some sort of closure or answers from her that Im never going to get. I know that carrying around this much pent up anger and hate is really unhealthy for my soul but I dont know how to get rid of it. Im thinking its because I never got the chance to get angry at her. I was never able to yell at her and take out all these feelings and they have just manifested into this raging mass of hate and anger.
I mean there is a way that I can let her know just how I feel about the whole thing but to do that would just re open all the old wounds and at this point would almost be pointless for me to even think about. It was 2 years ago..Ide come out looking like a fool. I wish I knew how to get rid of these feelings so I can stop being such an angry person.
I hope I find some sort of solution because this is dragging me down!
I cant believe how fresh this hate is.
two years and counting but it still feels like yesterday.
I dont know why I give you so much power in my life.
Isnt it enough that you already tried to take my everything.
Sometimes I feel like Im the lesser of the two.
Still so wrapped up in the things that no longer mater.
I just cant stop hating you. |
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| This pressure is rising |
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| 01:01am 25/07/2007 |
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Sometimes I just get the impulse to get up and hit you...BAM rite across the face.
I cant denie it....your mistakes still make me angry....
The trust is getting better but the anger isnt going anywhere...
I just feel so stupid for thinking everything was my fault before I actually found out....
Im getting to the point where I dont care any more....you dont come first
I dont know what to do rite now....Im not running away...I just dont know how to deal with these feelings.... |
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| Trapped |
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| 06:04pm 25/02/2007 |
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I just dont trust you any more....you have broken me down and worn me out.I dont even know how to handle you any more...the more I find out the less Im suprised....I think i deserved you at one point,but its just geting ridiculous now. What the hell am I supposed to do,Im trapped. |
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| Baby news |
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| 08:05pm 19/01/2007 |
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Baby coming soon!
Ok so I went to the DR today and he told me that Im already at 3CM,so i could have him any time!!!! If I dont have him by next friday were going to force him out...INDUCTION. I hope hes born sometime before though because I heard Induction hurts alot more!!!!
Im kind of reluctant to go through it .I got a taste of what its going to feel like after the DR poked my cervix and I tell you it didnt feel good!!! Its not something I cant handle its just very unplesant! Its kind of like a really bad period mixed with a little bit of poopy tummy. All I can do is wate now. |
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| Pregnant forever |
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| 04:12pm 16/01/2007 |
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I feel like Im never going to have this damn baby. Hes going to stay in me untill hes 40.
I should scan his old ultrasound so everyone can see him. The newer ones are kind of hard to make out. The only thing is he was a week under 5 months in the old one so he looks kind of like an alien. Kinda freaky.
If anyone had a way for me to go into Labor please let me know. I want him out. Hes getting to tight in there and is crowding my insides!!!! |
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| time is ticking |
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| 07:25pm 18/12/2006 |
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Ok...less than a month to go,God Im scared.I watched this video that showed birth...the baby coming out wasnt so bad but when it showed the placenta coming out I wanted to gag.Grose to the max!!!!!!!!!
I wish I had prego pictures to show,although some people still think I dont look pregnant ha ha ha,good for me I guess,no stretch marks!!! |
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| Am I dreaming |
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| 10:46pm 07/10/2006 |
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SO Im already about 6 in a half months prego...only three left.Man I cant believe it. I have such a hard tiem convincing myself Im going to have a baby sometimes.
I found out the baby is a boy,and his name will be Evan.
Im excited but scared!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| OLD and MOLDY |
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| 12:39am 28/05/2006 |
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man this picture is old...I dont think Ive seen a single one of these people in over a year!!!
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| Shiney Happy Retards |
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| 09:24pm 25/04/2006 |
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I hate it when people act like they have a problem but when you ask them what it is they tell you its nothing.Dont act like I did something wrong and then hold back when I ask you to tell me.I can handle it Im a big girl.
What ever Im not going to waste my time trying to get people to tell me how they feel if they dont want to be real with me.Thats there foul not mine!
Other than that Ive been working alot.I havent been getting home untill the early AM because of Invintory.Thankfully its all over now and I get a break WOOOOO HOOOO.Damn Im hungry now.Who wants to go scavange for food with me???? |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| WOW its me |
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| 10:52pm 16/04/2006 |
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mood:  happy
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Yeah I finally have a new picture...and tattoos
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Read 1 - Post |
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| Tooth Pain in my ass |
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| 10:38pm 05/04/2006 |
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mood:  pissed off
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So I have a cavity and I dont have any money to take care of it....all I can do is hurt as of now. There is a dentle school I can call but Im sure its going to take me a month to get into it and by than my tooth will probably have fallen out,so Im probably going to get forced to go to a regular dentist and shell out 2000$ for a little hole in my tooth.I hate it I just keep getting set back.I really dont know what to do rite now.Fuck |
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| HUH!?!?!? |
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| 11:02pm 16/03/2006 |
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mood:  surprised
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So he threw me off gaurd and told me I was rite...he is looking at things from my point of view and I was rite...man Im spining |
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| Infidel |
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| 12:16am 15/03/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative
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boy was I ever rite when I told you you cant trust any one.......its kinda sad but expected....I guess you cant have a relationship without some form of infidelity on one persons part..I dont know......is flirting infidelity to an extent.....BLAH. Life hurts. Maybe Im just taking it the wrong way ,I dont know.Ill sort it all out tomorrow. |
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| Dream a little dream |
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| 11:41am 13/03/2006 |
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I had a dream about you the other day,lastnight I had a dream i had long hair but when I woke yo it was gone....I want long hair again!!!! |
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| Yeast Infection 101 |
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| 04:40pm 23/02/2006 |
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Watch your pee pees boys cause if your having sex with a girl that has a yeast infection you can get it to!!!!
Its itchy and stinky but not as cheesy but its still a yeast infection that gets on and in your pee pee.
This may be why you burn when you pee. So be carefull and next time you go to stick you jimmy in her ho ho ask her politely "baby is your shit cheesy today". |
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| Back to work |
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| 08:41am 21/02/2006 |
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just what the title said....back to work today...weeeeeeeeeee |
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| I wish I may |
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| 12:51pm 16/02/2006 |
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So my last interview at office depot is today.....Cross your fingers bros,I need a job quick status!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| valentines day is a RIP |
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| 10:51pm 14/02/2006 |
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mood:  crushed
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So this valentines day has been really crappy.Franks car got repoed two days ago by the fault of the dealer and by some fluke it got sent to the auction.So he has been waiting for them to bring back his car but they are taking there sweet ass time in doing so.As a result of the car being taken away he lost his job.Im so angry I want to tear there heads off .In effect I dont get to see him at all today because of toyota loosing his extention papers and taking his car away.Im just getting really close to my breaking point ,I can only let things slide for so long.Stress is going to kill me,Im going to have a heart attack by the time Im 25 if things keep going this way.I really hope life starts to turn around soon because Im going to end up going gnumb.
Its just so hard because I love Frank so much to,and I would never turn my back on him,it just feels like misfortune has been following us around for the past 6 months.I know we will prevail,Im just stretching myself thin lately.I need a release.
I love you Frank!I hope you really understand just how much |
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chained_angel's journal
